my vanilla twilight

sometimes to get what we want, all we have to do is ask... but when we're on the situation itself, we're having this temporary amnesia where we forgot to do this simple fact. good thing is you have reliable friends hanging around to remind you this.

i'm scared to ask, cause i may not be ready for the answer. but when i finally got it, feeling of relief was so much better than the anxiety of the unknown. watching "he's just not that into you" continuously had it stop and the road is clear again.

now the aftermath. when it leaves me hanging, i considered staying but it won't give me progress and that's the least i want to happen to me now.

moving on. without him is fine and i guess i could live with.

but moving on, with him just hanging around would be much better. unpredictable invitations would be entertained, it's the closest i could get to be around him.

it's hard to forget someone i've already known, and it's harder to stop when i already build up this obsession of wanting to know him more...

but the reality of the answer still dangle in front of me which i have to deal with everyday...

i'll miss everything for sure... there's a lot that i know i could give and willing to give...

all i can do now is wish... that' he's here with me.. sharing every part of me as i explore the new world that i want to discover....

i hope at the right time when he's ready for me.. and if he chose me... i'll be there waiting...

till then.. ^_^

friends

friends.. someone whom you'll have forever... at first that's what i thought....

but things happen, and they can also hurt you..

we expect too much from them that we forgot that they also have the capability of hurting you...

it doesn't mean that you're friends with someone, you're "pain proof" already... irony of life is, you'll experience the worse kind of pain from them...

i have my own share of wrong doings as well, it only shows us why the world is round

nobody wants to hurt somebody... it's one thing that is very hard for other people to accept...

nevertheless, some friends do leave... in a heartbeat they can leave... just because they can...

it happens...


till then...

wwjd

for the past two days, i was not well... actually it's an understatement because being betrayed by your best friend is worse...

i have all the right to be mad.. i was... i am not the type who gets mad easily, i cried, call my other friend and vent out all the emotion i had cause the situation could give me a serious heart attack.
(thanks duke)

for the nth time, i feel so alone. she was supposed to have my back when im in trouble or when i'm hurt but she's part of the pain, so yeah i am alone....

but then again as i ponder through all of it, i asked myself "what's the point?" i'll just get stressed out being mad and nurturing the pain.

this might sound a bit corny but when i'm at the brink of choosing what to do all i could think about is "what would Jesus do?" to err is human, to forgive is divine... it's not an overnight process but i can't also stand being mad and i don't want it to last for another week.

the trusting part will take some time because from what happened left a big scar on me...

there's another part where i want to close myself and choose not to go out and enter a relationship anymore cause no one can be trusted... so stereotypical and cynical of me but yeah i'm thinking about it.

i just don't wanna be sad, i just accepted the fact that some things are not really meant to be... and there are always someone/something better who/that will come/happen...

for now i'm still hurt but already took my step1 and that is to forgive and understand.. not easy but i always pray for strength, and this incident would be one of the challenges in order for me to be strong...

till then...

bipolar mode.. moodyyy super...

i dunno what (who) i want.. what to do????

now that i'm on my hormonal imbalance, i dont think it's wise to think and decide...

good thing i have my review ( yes guys.. still reviewing... i backed out on my june plan.. chicken hihi) to focus on...

hmmm.... rain... we can't get enough of them... what am i saying??? hahaha sana di na lumakas ang ulan... kawawa naman ang mga hindi pa nakaka recover sa last two typhoons... let's pray for them.... ^_^

till then...

i'm his

and i miss him already... ^_^




(me wishing and praying and hoping... hehehehe)






till then... =)

one month

i think it's almost one month.. and i have this crazy theory that after one month it's my "make or break" moment... it's either "we" pursue the dating thing or realize that one month is enough and "we" can no longer go farther than that...

i feel sad whenever i think about it, don't want to be cynical and cause "we're" not in a hurry... but the absence of feeling secured is what creeps the hell out of me...

few days are remaining for my "final call" and i'm preparing myself for the "fall"... first time it happened i was caught off guard and it's freakin painful to find out that you're in it ALONE..

well.. again maybe it's all me.. assuming things and all that... so more or less the result will be the same... i want to be hopeful that there's something else... i really want to... but....

till then...

single is sexy...

i guess being single is not a crime, i can safely say that i am truly happy where i am right now.
i have my family and friends, i also have a new job, what more can i ask?

but when bitter reality hits me, at times i also miss being with someone, celebrating anniversaries, having fights with him from petty issues to serious ones. when we're in it (the relationship) it seems exhausting, but now that i feel a little void somewhere inside me it is still considered as a sweet memory.

some might wonder why i am still still single, i did too...

but now i'm just enjoying what i have,

i want to date though and i "think" i'm currently doing it, i'm clueless... hehe spare me, i haven't done it for years...

nevertheless it's fun meeting and knowing other people, i might lose a date but i hope in the end i'll gain a friend.

if i feel it then go, if it's not meant to be it's not. easier said than done? maybe, eventually i'll be better in testing the waters, and if i go far beyond the shore and in too deep, it's either i'm going to struggle and swim back or let it be and float then, i'll have to thank my swimming class way back in college... let's admit, they're not taught to us for nothing ;-)

till then....